Invader Puff

In the midst of my latest attempt at conquering earth, I was interrupted by screams from the courtyard:

--"We're having a potluck!  Everyone's making food!  You're going to make eclairs!"

"Filthy human worm babies!!  You dare insult my genius with such an impudent request as eclairs?!  The very concept that a superior baking race would participate in a... "pot luck" is sheer fantasy!  I will rule you all with an iron fist!"

--"Make a really huge eclair!  Like the size of the sheet pan!"

"YOU!  Obey the fist!"

"I want tacos!"

"Silence!"

"Tacos Tacos Tacos!!"

"Enough of this foolishness!  We will cater to their whims, and provide them with delicious treats the likes of which they have never knoooown!  They will live to regret this daaay!!"

"You gonna make biscuits? You gonna make biscuits? Youuu gonna make biiiscuits??"

"No.  I never want you to mention biscuits ever again.  We will make...  PROFITEROLES!"

"Isn't that really just a bite sized eclair?  Won't you still just be making eclairs like they asked?"

"Insolent cur!  You will not question my plans for Earth's Destruction!  Quickly now, gather these ingredients:"

Pâte à Choux:

• 4 oz Dihydrogen Monoxide
• 4 oz Bovine Mammary Extract
• 4 oz Solid emulsified BME fat
• 1 oz Crystalline Sucrose
  
• Pinch of Sodium Chloride
• Several drops of Soluble Green Tincture
• 6 oz Pulverised Triticum aestivum seed, sifted to remove bran
• 4 whole Gallus gallus domesticus ovae, unfertilised!!

1. Bring first six ingredients to full rolling boil!
2. Add full amount of T. aestivum.  Stir over high heat as if your miserable life depended on it!  It does!!
3. Remove from heat once the Sticky Skin Substance begins to form on the bottom of the pot.  Let it cool for a few minutes.
4. Beat in the G. gallus ovae, ONE AT A TIME!!
5. Pipe into bite sized circles.  Bake at 491 K for 15 minutes.  Then lower temperature to 463 K and continue to bake until dry, at least another 15 minutes.
6. Fill with Delicious Delicious Cream Filling!
7. Dip in prepared sauce derived from Theobroma cacao seeds!

 Delicious Delicious Cream Filling:

• 16 oz BME
• 1 Whole G. gallus ova, plus 2 yolks
• 1 oz Pulverised Zea mays Starch
• 4 oz Crystalline Sucrose
• .25 oz Vanilla planifolia extractive
• 1 oz BME fat
• Several drops Soluble Purple Tincture

"I was the turkey all along!  It was ME!!"

"Focus!  To make the filling:"

1.  Heat BME.  Meanwhile, combine ovae with Sucrose and starch.
2. Just before BME boils, gradually pour into eggy mixture, whisking constantly!
3. Return to heat.  Whisk over high heat as if your miserable life depended on it!  It does!!
4. Once thickened and bubbling, remove from heat.  Add remaining ingredients.  Cover and let cool.  Once cool, a pudding skin will have developed.  EAT THE SKIN!

"I'm gonna sing the dessert song now!"

"What follows will serve as visual documentation of this process: front row seats to the END of all MANKIND!!"

"I love this show!"

"Now to unleash Screaming Temporal DOOM!!"

"yay!  doom, doom doom doom dooooom, doomy doomy doom, doomy doooom!  The end!"

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Today's post has been brought to you by the letters I, Z, and G.